


Holding Hands

by rainbowanatomy



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: AU but a lot of canon stuff happens of course, F/F, it's mostly just drabbles, just fluff about them, spoilers for s11 and s12 and post revolution of the daleks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:22:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29187003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowanatomy/pseuds/rainbowanatomy
Summary: The Doctor and Yaz are very much seeing each other but they just don't realize it right away. They also hold hands. A lot.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Comments: 3
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There will be more as I get through season 11 and 12! PLEASE NO SPOILERS IN THE COMMENTS FOR ANY EPISODE PAST s11e10!!! I'm avoiding even reading published fiction bc I dont want to see spoilers! okay enjoy and drop any requests below!
> 
> *EDIT: okay I've seen all of it and the holiday special! prompts are of course still welcome but I hope you guys like what iv'e done with the stories <3

1\. “Are you two seeing each other?” Najia asks, gesturing at The Doctor and Yaz.

“I don’t know,” The Doctor admits, locking eyes with Yaz, “Are we?”  
Yaz groans and rolls her eyes, “I can’t believe you have to ask that!?”

The Doctor grins then glances back at Najia. “Mmm, there you have it!”

“That didn’t answer my question…” Out of the corner of the Doctor’s eye, Ryan glances at Graham and shrugs.

Later on, when Yaz, Ryan, and Graham ask to keep traveling with the doctor, Yaz admits, “I want more time with _you_.” The Doctor holds her hand long after they’ve all pulled the lever together.

* * *

2\. On Kerblam, Yaz rests her chin on the Doctor's shoulder, whispers, "Good luck," as the TeamMate calls Ryan and The Doctor to another assignment. The Doctor presses her palm to Yaz's back, holds onto jacket fabric for a second. "Be safe," she insists to the woman. Her heart beats calm down when she spots Yaz across the grass during the emergency home zone break. She has to stop herself from tearing up when Yaz confesses later that it would have been her, had Dan not taken her place. Instead, she steps a few inches closer, and agrees to Yaz's request.

* * *

3\. Yaz is staring out into space, hands on the railing. Deeper in the TARDIS, Ryan and Graham are arguing over food, shouts traveling up to her. The Doctor clucks her tongue at them, but is quite pleased her TARDIS had decided a bigger kitchen was in order, and that it's busy with her friends' voices. Maybe it knew it was never long before her loneliness caught up with her and she met new companions. She wonders back up to the dashboard, joins Yaz at the railing, hand slipping over hers. Yaz rotates her hand so their fingers can lace together. They stand in silence for a long while. Ryan and Graham find them there, Yaz's head on the Doctor's shoulder.

* * *

4\. Dripping with pond water, the Doctor reprimands a murderer, and Yaz feels her body hum with untimely desire and admiration. In a weird way, she's happy to be sent to find Willa, get herself gathered. Whacking the mud tendril to death gets the energy out, and sprints back to find the Doctor and the gang. Bursting into the room, she heads straight for her, ignoring Ryan with an axe. The Doctor delegates with the new information, then grabs Yaz's hand as they rush out of the room. The hum returns. The adrenalin of saving people doesn’t help.

* * *

5\. The first time they kiss, Yaz isn't even thinking straight. She's so caught up in relief that she just grabs the Doctor in a tight hug, whispers, "Don't get yourself arrested and ducked without warning me," and then cups her cheeks, pressing their lips together. The Doctor tightens her grip around Yaz's waist, returns the mounting pressure until they have to breath. Whispers back, "I'm sorry, love, I didn't intend to." They lean in the silence for a while, foreheads pressed together, and then a smile spreads across Yaz’s kiss-swollen lips.

"You may not be a witch, but I'm proper bewitched by you."

"Oh, come off you," the Doctor grins, and Yaz laughs nervously and kisses her again, whispering, "It's true."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Several drabbles in which The Doctor and Yaz are very much seeing each other but they just don't realize it right away. They also hold hands. A lot.

6\. Yaz tries to teach the Doctor how to do her braids. And while she loves tangling her fingers through the soft silky locks, she can't for the many lives of her get the knack of it. "Doctor," Yaz laughs, "Ouch!"

"I've got it, I've got it!" she looks at Ryan, "Don't I?"

"Doc," Graham adds, "I've never seen a worse braid."

"You don't have to do it," Yaz chuckles, grabbing her hand and pressing a kiss to her palm, "It's right touching you're trying."

"I've got it!"

"No, Doctor, you don't," Ryan chuckles.

"I've got an idea! Let me do you!" Yaz shouts. She puts up a fight, but in the end, the Doctor dozes off with Yaz's fingers in her hair.

* * *

7\. The Doctor is going on about the "Solitract plane", admitting she's terrified. Yaz has never heard her admit fear. She takes the Doctor's hands lightly, feeling two pulses.

"When you put it like that, it sounds like a trap," Yaz offers, trying to catch up. The Doctor's eyes light up, and she grips their joint hands tight, pulling her in for a kiss.

"Have I ever told you how fantastically brilliant you are?" she tells her, pressing another kiss to her forehead, before darting off to track down Graham.

* * *

8\. When they walk, the Doctor's right hand is always Yaz. It's been that way since that first adventure. Sometimes, when not even she knows she's nervous, because she so seldom admits fear, she relishes Yaz taking just a step closer, fingers brushing over her elbow or low back. A silent 'I'm here' that soothes any goosebumps. With her people beside her, with Yaz beside her, she can face anything. This is exemplified when they face the Tim Shaw's schemes a second time. Reunited, her pulses calm (though the fire in Yaz’s eyes when she decides to go with her speeds them up again). She grabs Yaz’s hand, and they go to help save the day.

* * *

9\. “Where will you go now?” Andinio asks.  
“No idea,” the Doctor admits with a sigh, before turning away. “Come on, fam.”

“I thought we weren’t doing ‘fam’?” Ryan asks.

“I like it,” Yaz counters, grinning at her. Her cheeks flame.

Graham nods in agreement.

“Of course _you_ like it,” Ryan mumbles under his breath as they step into the TARDIS. Yaz shoves him into the doorframe with a chuckle.

The Doctor pauses in the doorway, turns to look back. “None of us know for sure what’s out there. That’s why we keep looking,” she tells the gathered crew she helped save,  
“Keep your faith. Travel hopefully.” She thinks of Yaz, and the smile that lights up her world. “The universe will surprise you. Constantly.”

* * *

10.

_My Dearest, Doctor_

_I have a request. Can we please make a stop somewhere Maccy D's exists? I want a McFlurry._

_Yaz xxo_

_My Dearest, Yazmin_

_I think you might be abusing your power to make requests... That being said... as you wish._

_Doctor xyz_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just more! I'll probably be doing chunks of 3-5 drabbles at a time? I only just finished s11e10. anyway, of course if you have any requests/prompts, drop them in the comments! I would appreciate no spoilers past e10 in this comment section! enjoy!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Complete AU inserts and some off-canon stuff around the season 11 finale! slightly longer than the other two rounds, and just a bit more fun and out of character stuff

11\. Yaz stares at the Doctor in befuddled awe. The Doctor is terrified, she can see that, and still brilliant beyond her comprehension.

“So… it’s been worse than the really bad thing?” she asks, watching the Doctor’s face fall, before determination lights it up again.

“Graham, emergency peanut butter run!” the Doctor commands. Graham grumbles, follows orders. She and Ryan watch the Doctor communicate with _it_. Her heart pounds; she has _never_ seen the Doctor more alive on a mission. That fact in and of itself is terrifying, and she asks,

“Where’s it going? What’s it doing?”

“If I knew that, I wouldn’t be this panicked,” the Doctor nearly growls, “ _Yaz…_ ”

Yaz grips the Doctor’s shoulders tight.

“Look at me, Doctor. You can do this.”

The Doctor grits her teeth. “Yaz.”  
“Say it, Doctor, you _can_ do this!”

“I can do this.”  
“Yes, you can.”

“I can do this!” The Doctor relaxes for a moment into her grip, reaches up to place their hands together, then nods. “ _We_ can do this.”

* * *

12\. They get twenty New Years. Across the across the countries, planets, and galaxies, twenty different places celebrating their own January first. With this one, they are celebrating another victory for Sheffield. Their victory against the Daleks. The Doctor and Yaz door of the TARDIS, watching the cosmic fireworks, the Doctor's hand on Yaz's shoulder. The guys are searching for a good drink to toast with.

"Happy twentieth New Year, love," the Doctor whispers into Yaz's ear, pressing a kiss against the soft skin. She feels the shiver run down Yaz's body, humming into her own as her cheeks flush. Yaz turns, smirking soft, and pulls the Doctor in for a proper kiss. "Happy twentieth New Year, Doctor," she breathes after, leaning their foreheads together, "I wouldn't want to spend them with anyone else."

* * *

13\. Yaz twirls around, the Doctor’s coat whirling with her. “Guess who I am!” she laughs, pointing a stray, sadly regular screwdriver at different points on the TARDIS dashboard. Ryan laughs back, “Okay, now say something she would say!”

Yaz takes her hair out of her bun, shakes it out and points the screwdriver into the air, “All right, fam, let’s get a shift on!”

Someone clears their throat. Ryan shoves his hand over his mouth to stifle more laughter.

“Doctor!” Yaz yelps, turning to meet the timelord’s gaze. The Doctor raises an eyebrow, “Playing dress up, are we?”

“He dared me to!” Yaz jabs a finger at Ryan, dropping the screwdriver from the other hand, very much conspicuously.

“Oy, what?” he protests.

“Okay, okay… I thought I would look cute in it,” Yaz admits, stepping up to her, batting her eyelashes, “Don’t I?”

The Doctor tightens her jaw, cuts her eyes away, red creeping up her cheeks. “Fine,” she sighs, and Yaz beams. “You can wear it for _one_ hour,” she adds, “ONE, Yaz.”

Ten hours later, Yaz is curled up with the Doctor’s coat for a blanket.

* * *

14\. The Doctor wants to ask Yaz something important. Extremely important. So important that she does not remember how to say it. The words feel too small, too fragile, and far too unsophisticated to be so important. It’s also a terrible time to try to remember, because the turbulence of the TARDIS is making all their teeth jitter in their sockets, but she glances to her right, where Yaz naturally falls in next to her, and it’s not just her teeth jittering, but every vein of her new being. _What is it?_ she hisses to herself in her head.

When she finds out they’ve landed in some sort of “As Seen on TV” universe, she stops into nearest store. If she can’t remember how to ask that something so important, the least she can do is buy this Tac Light, and present it to Yaz.

“The commercial said it can stun intruders,” she tells the woman, “And see two nautical miles. So, you know, maybe it would be a good sort of thing for Essex’s finest police officer.”

Yaz laughs, “I love it!” And then accidentally shines it in all of their eyes.

_Love_ , the Doctor repeats inwardly, as Yaz grabs her and Graham’s hands, and she grabs Ryan’s, and they stumble half blind back to the TARDIS to figure out why they are when and where they are. She holds on tight, jittering again. _I’ll figure it out tomorrow._

* * *

15\. “I feel like… girlfriend just isn’t serious enough…”

“Doctor, have you ever read _Twilight_?”  
“Why?”

“Bella says that about her and Edward’s relationship.”

  
“YASMIN KHAN! Did you just compare me to an emotionally stunted possessive vampire who glitters in the sun?”

  
“No, I compared you to the extremely lovesick Bella Swan."

"I do not like this comparison one bit. Does this make you Edward? Are you suggesting you're going to run off to South America without another ring?"

"Don't be daft! You're the one who's spouting on about how girlfriend isn't serious enough."

"I've lived twelve full lives and am on my thirteenth. There is so much I've seen that I haven't been able to show you, or the rest of the gang! So many cultures and languages! Of course girlfriend isn't a serious enough word! Don't rollyour eyes at me!"

"So there are an awful lot of words just to say you fancy me."

"Hmph."

"... Doctor?"

"... Yes?"

"You are mine, right?"

"Without question, Yazmin Khan."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> requests / prompts are welcome as always! will be starting season 12 soon!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More fluff! some of these are slightly longer.  
> some are just different versions of how the doctor says I love you for the first time. 18 is more canon compliant (spoilers for s12 premier). 19 is a complete insert AU.

16\. They hold hands a lot without even realizing it, fingers magnetized to fingers, pulling them together across the distances between them on adventures. It's a bolt of lightning through the Doctor's veins when she gets her eyes on Yaz again, in one piece, with that adventure shine (the whole fam has it when they save something or someone) bright in her eyes. Yaz and Graham race over to her and Ryan. As Graham updates them, her hand goes for Yaz's without thought, lacing their fingers together. Yaz squeezes her hand thrice in slow tempo. She squeezes back in the same pattern, four times.

Thinks, _I love you, too_.

* * *

17\. They all have rooms in the TARDIS. Yazin hers, getting ready for a long nap, having already realized how important it is to get sleep whenever she can. Saving the world keeps them on their feet most of the time. She’s in the middle of lotioning, baulking at how ashy she’s gotten since joining the Doctor. There’s a soft knock at her door. She looks up into the smiling face of the timelord. “Am I interrupting?” the Doctor asks. “Not at all,” she murmurs, smiling back. The Doctor crosses over to the bed and cups her face, thumb soft on her cheek. Yaz leans into the touch, hears the faintest whisper, “Absolutely _beautiful”,_ and feels her cheeks flame at the words. “Hush, you,” Yaz giggles, “Will you get my back?”

It’s the Doctor’s turn to blush; the timelord nods quickly, climbs onto the mattress behind her, and wordlessly takes the lotion. Yaz lets her eyes close as the Doctor’s hands massage her back with tender care. “How’s that, love?” the Doctor murmurs after a few minutes, resting her chin on Yaz’s shoulders. She turns her head, kisses her softly. “Thank you, Doctor.” The timelord grins. “Any time, love. Do you need anything else?” She scoots away towards her pillows and motions for the Doctor to follow suit. “Stay with me while I nap? Please, Doctor?” The Doctor, as dignified as she can, crawls up to her and snuggles up, steals another kiss. “Of course. But it’s my turn to be the little spoon.”

* * *

18\. The Doctor passes Ryan on her way out to the front step. Yaz hugs her arms tight around herself, trying to blink the tears away. She doesn’t turn at the sound of boots. Doesn’t flinch when the Doctor sits down next to her. They sit in silence for a long while, besides Yaz’s quiet tears. The proximity calms both of them, reassures Yaz she’s in the real world. Reassures the Doctor that Yaz is still alive. Finally, she reaches out, tilts Yaz’s face towards her, and brushes the tears from her eyes.

“Can I tell you something, Yaz?”

“I don’t know if I’m in the mood for a pep talk, Doctor.” Yaz leans into the Doctor’s hands. The Doctor shakes her head. “Oh. What is it?”  
“I love you, Yazmin Kahn.”

Yaz straightens out, and the Doctor’s hands fall in her lap. “You-“

“I can’t have you disappearing on me again without you knowing that.”

Yaz feels a sob break through her chest again and it mixes with a laugh. The Doctor just eyes her calmly, as Yaz’s free hands cup her face, still half crying, half laughing, as she says,  
“You waited long enough, silly!" and kisses her deeply.

They get interrupted, but the kiss lingers long after.

* * *

Yaz is left reflecting on those words in the jail cell. "What if we never see her again?"

"We will," Ryan tells her.

"He's right," Graham adds.

"But what if I never get... she told me she loved me, before we all split up and got separated and... I didn't get a chance to say it back. What if I never get that chance?"

"You _will_ ," Ryan repeats, "We all will. Come on we've just got to... think like the Doc."

* * *

The Doctor is quiet. Has been for the past five planets. She can't stop seeing Gallifrey burned to ash whenever she blinks. Yaz's eyes reflect hurt and fear in her silence. Graham asks her who she really is. She tells them the hyphenated version of her history. Yaz asks if they can visit her home. She blinks. Fire. Shakes her head. "Maybe another time." Yaz takes her aside, cups her cheek, strokes it with her thumb. She tells the Doctor she loves her. The Doctor pulls her in tight, fingers in her long hair, whispers, "I love you, too," over and over.

* * *

"What happened to your planet?" Yaz asks in the middle of the night, the Doctor's hand tight in hers. It had to be her home, the way she reacted before.

"I'm.... not ready to talk about it," the Doctor whispers.

"I'm here when you are, love." Yaz turns her head, kisses her cheek softly. They're quiet for a while, then the Doctor manages a chuckle,

"I think the gents would be besides themselves. You playing teacher's pet and all." The Doctor elbows Yaz lightly, earning a giggle from the woman, who shifts and props herself on her elbow. She can see the sorrow creeping back into those green eyes.

“Hey,” she whispers, cupping the Doctor’s face and trailing her thumb over her bottom lip. “We’re all here for you. We love you. _I_ love you.”

That earns her that soft grin that makes her ears hot. She leans in, revels in the sharp intake from the timelord, the fingers reaching into her hair to tickle her neck. Around kisses, the Doctor murmurs,

“I love you, too, Yaz.”

* * *

19\. The Doctor called Yaz Love’ before this moment. So why is she so tongue-tied, with pulses skyrocketing? In the recesses of her mind, she remembers fumbling a moment like this. Doesn’t want to screw it up, not this time. She swallows, throat dry, as she searches the beautiful landscape. Yaz is crouching in the meadow, fingertips as gentle on the flowers she observes as they are on the Doctor’s skin. Yaz calls her name, like the softest siren’s song, and she can only be drawn to it.

“What kind of flower is this?” Yaz asks when she squats down next to her, so close their jackets brush. She clears her still-dry throat, hoping her cheeks aren’t too red. _Do it._

“That is a Middlemist Red,” she answers upon close inspection, “Extremely rare on Earth, but flourishing on this planet.”

“It’s so beautiful.” Yaz leans in closer, inhales.

“Almost as beautiful as you.”

“Oh, hush you.” Yaz gives her a little shove, and stands, taking a flower with her. The Doctor rises in sync.

“Yaz-“

“Shhh, here, Doctor,” Yaz cuts her off. Her pulses must be audible as Yaz tucks the flower into her hair with those same gentle hands, steals a quick kiss that makes her head all fuzzy. “Now, what were you going to say?” _Do it. Now_. She takes a deep breath, takes Yaz’s hands in her own.

“I love you,” she declares, “And I would tell you in a thousand languages. I _will_ tell you in a thousand languages, I am just… very nervous right now, for a change… You aren’t saying anything…” Yaz bites her lip, lets go of her hands. “Yaz… please say something.”

“You were nervous?” Yaz finally asks, arms circling the Doctor’s waist, pulling her in tighter than she expects, breath tickling her neck. She hugs back, just as tight, nods against Yaz’s cheek. “You didn’t have to be, Doctor. I love you, too, silly.”

The words are the sweetest music ever created. She would know. She’s heard a lot of music.


	5. Chapter 5

20\. The worst part of being in love? Not being able to constantly protect her. It’s not that Yaz doesn’t realize this has been the Doctor’s life for longer than any human will ever seen, that the Doctor is an otherworldly genius, but the Gallefryan seems so _human_ , so prone to fear, anguish, _pain_. She keeps it at bay most times, because the Doctor is a multi-thousands year old time lord that has succeeded in keeping herself alive (and having companions who help keep her alive) all that time, but it strikes her worse with the little things. Like now, when just five minutes ago the Doctor was tooling around underneath the TARDIS dashboard, sneezed, and smashed her nose into the grate floor. “OY! You’ve got a bloody problem with me, mate?” the Doctor scolded the grate, much to Yaz’s amusement. Until she sees the Doctor pop up as she climbs out of the floor, nose dripping with purple blood.

“Doctor, you’re bleeding!” Yaz gasps instead, crossing to the dashboard in two bounds, taking the time lord’s head in her hands, tilting her chin back. The Doctor lets her, enjoying the fussing (though she will wait months to admit this).

“Ah, yeah. You’d think that, after thousands of years, dust wouldn’t irritate the old nose, but here we are,” the Doctor sighs, “You don’t have to examine me like a squished supermarket tomato, Yaz, I’m okay.”

“But your nose… doesn’t it hurt?” Yaz takes her sleeve and carefully wipes the purple off her upper lip.

“I’m a timelord, love, my nose is already healed.”

Yaz’s eyebrows furrow, heart pounding, swallowing back the anxiety that peaks in when simple injuries happen. “I ought to bubble wrap ya, Doctor...”

“Or you can just kiss it better?” . Yaz shakes her head in disbelief, manages a smile.

"You goofball," she tells her, hoping the worry is hidden, before leaning up to kiss the bridge of the Doctor's nose.

* * *

21\. The Doctor has never been able to truly protect her companions. She knows they choose to take the risks that come with traveling alongside her. She knows she can’t go running around on the fritz when she and Yaz are separated. She knows that all of them are more than capable, they’ve shown her that over the years. Yaz more so. “Yaz,” she sighs, like a caress, “We don’t have time…” _I can’t go with you. I won’t have your back._ “Just come back for me in… an hour,” Yaz returns. Gabriela volunteers to go with her. The Doctor is quiet for a moment (really not even noticeable to humans) to calm the fritz starting in her nerves. Yaz sets her jaw, adds, “It could be extremely important.” They close the distance between each other, and the Doctor wraps her in a hug, pressing a kiss to below her ear. “Be _safe_ , love,” she presses. “Me? You first, Miss Bubblewrap,” Yaz chuckles back as they step back from the embrace. “ _One hour,_ ” the Doctor repeats. She lets her go investigate. It terrifies her. It fills her with pride. Every time. She should be used to it by now. Thankfully, she has enough brains and hearts for both emotions at once.

* * *

21\. ”Doctor?" Jake starts at The Doctor's side.

"Mm?" she returns, stopping mid pace back to the microscope.

"You and that other woman-"

"Yaz."

"You and Yaz, are you married?"

"Sure feels like it sometimes." He eyes her until she shakes her head. "No, we aren't."

"But you two are seeing each other, right?"

"Oh! Yes, absolutely. It's brilliant. She's brilliant."

"How long have you known each other?"

"Time gets pretty distorted in the gang. Could be two minutes. Could be decades."

"But... okay, but you've been together the whole time?"

"Yeah, why? Oh, is this about Adam?"

Jake nods. "I spoke to Graham. He gave me insight but not advice."

"Ah, then let me tell you something, mate. I have seen more things in one year than most humans will ever see in their entire lives. I have seen so much love and loss and unfortunately, you can't have one without the other. But having Yaz. Well. She's worth it, and every day we choose each other. You chose Adam once. You just have to choose him again, and then keep doing it."

* * *

22\. It’s their first Valentine’s Day together. Not that Gallifrey ever had one, but considering her Yaz is human, the Doctor wants to do something to mark the day. She’s in the storage room of the TARDIS, which is just like one of her many junk drawers but room sized. Trinkets from across the centuries fall around her - or onto her - but she keeps rooting until she finds a shoe box towards the back. It still smells of home, and when she runs her fingers over it, the sound of two beating hearts echoes in her ears. This was from her third granny, when they went down the sand dunes and she had her hunting for sunken treasures beneath the piles. She found a lot of things. The Doctor opens the box. Mostly sand. A few Gallifreian rocks. A couple of small fossilized creatures. A pearl. It’s a painful memory, knowing it’s all gone. She fills a tiny jar half way with the sand, the pearl.

She goes to the beach closest to Sheffield, one that Yaz had spoken about going to when she was younger, and fills the rest of the jar with the sand there. She shakes it, mixes the sand together. Two worlds, two galaxies, two people. Together in this moment.

* * *

23\. The Doctor presents it to Yaz on a necklace chain. "Happy Valentine's Day, Yasmin Khan," she murmurs, handing it to her.

"What is it?"" Yaz asks, cradling it.

"It's sand." The Doctor beams at the gift, wrapped in her genius she forgets to explain more.

"Sand?" Yaz prompts after a moment.

"From the beach. Outside of Sheffield."

"Some of it's orange."

"That's sand from my home. Gallifrey." The Doctor cups her hands around Yaz's. "I mixed them together. So you'll always have a part of me with you... and know you are a part of me, too, now. There's also a pearl. I just thought it was pretty nifty. I should have gotten a card, I'm sorry. But we can get your favorite sweets. Name it, I'll find it. Or time period. We’ll go.”

Yaz stares down at the jar, feels her chest heave.

"Oh, no, do you hate it?" the Doctor asks, going for it.

"I love it," Yaz whispers, "It's just... it's my first Valentine's Day with... with anyone, let alone someone so important. It's beautiful. I love you." She leans forward, kisses the furrowed skin between the Doctor's eyebrows. "I didn't... I didn't get you anything."

"You don't have to, love." She takes the necklace from her, lifts Yaz's hair out of the way and clasps it. It hangs perfectly between her collar bones. “ _You_ are my best gift.”

* * *

24\. Yaz does, anyway. Yaz spends all afternoon in antique shops until she finds the perfect pin. It’s a little planet Earth, old timey colored like an old globe. She gets a little gag card and the jam biscuits she promised.

The Doctor returns at 5pm on February 15th, and opens the TARDIS door with the smile that makes Yaz’s heart race. As they enter the ship, the Doctor’s smile turns to a smirk, as if she can hear her pulse. “Did you go back and get me my jam biscuits?” the Doctor asks, nodding at the bag in her hands.

“What, no “Hi, Yaz! I missed you!”?” Yaz returns, shaking her head. The Doctor’s eyebrows raise, as does her pulse. She leans forward, brushes a strand of hair out of Yaz’s face.

“Hi, Yaz,” she coos, one hand on her chin, the other on her hip, “I missed you, love.” She closes the distance between their mouths. If Yaz could hear as well the Doctor could, she would hear the sound of two heartbeats speeding up. They’re both short of breath when the Doctor ends the kiss, asking, “Better?”

“Much,” she breathes, going in for another.

“Ah, ah, ah, tell me if you got biscuits first!” the Doctor chides, stepping away.

“Oy, you keep that up I am stomping the biscuits to crumbs. Sit down, first, I have something for you.”

“That’s not fair to them…” the Doctor grumbles, following orders.   
“I’m sorry I wasn’t prepared with a Valentine’s gift yesterday, but I spent all afternoon finding this-“ Yaz pulls out the little box she put the pin in and opens it as she sits down next to the Doctor. “It’s a little old timey Earth pin. You can put it on your jacket and be reminded of me. Your little Earth babe.”

"Oh, Yaz, it's lovely," she whispers, as Yaz fixes it to her lapel. She taps it, enjoys the little click her nail makes against the metal. "Thank you. I love you."

"I love you, too, Doctor. Happy day after Valentine's Day."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Season 12 Finale + Holiday Special

25\. The anguish rips through her, so hard she almost thinks she's about to start regenerating. They're so human. _Yaz_ is entirely so human. She cannot let them get caught. She cannot bare the thought of being separated now. Like being without her right hand. The pain on their faces, on Yaz's face, cuts.

"We won't leave you," Yaz tries to refuse, "I won't leave you!"

"You have to!" the Doctor shouts back, gripping Yaz's shoulders, hoping her terror shines through so they are scared enough to listen for once, "You are all human, if they catch you, they'll convert you. I refuse to ever let that happen. This is my mess." She drops her voice, "Be safe, Yaz. I'll come back to you." Louder, to the whole family, "Go. Now!" She lets go, taps the Earth pin on her lapel as she backs away.

"Doctor!" Yaz protests.

"Ryan, Graham," the Doctor says instead. They each grab one of Yaz's hands, run. The Doctor spares one second to watch, catches Yaz's eye as she glances back, now running on her own. Then she turns back, faces the cyber man cresting the hill. _I love you, Yasmin Khan,_ she thinks, tapping the pin again. She grits her teeth, stands her ground. She will do anything for her family. Even the impossible. Like stop a Cyberman all on her own.

* * *

26\. This. This is the worst part about loving. Leaving her. Again. "Yaz, you have to let me go," the Doctor commands.

"You promised me... we're supposed to have more time," Yaz whispers, tightening her grip, fingers digging into her skin. The Doctor sighs, free hand reaching up to cup Yaz's face. It feels like forever ago, the first time she did this. Strokes her thumb across that soft skin she's wiped tears off of. She wipes tears away now.

"Yasmin Khan. My Yaz. Be safe," she whispers. _"_ You'll have to do this next part on your own, my love." She takes Yaz's other hand. Squeezes it three times. _I love you._ Says out loud, " _Forever_."

* * *

27\. The Doctor planned to love her. Forever. Long after her humanity snuffs out. She would still love her. Carry her in her heart alongside every companion who has ever walked by her side. Along every companion who became more (a considerably shorter list). She would keep each and every gift received from her, every touch, every kiss, every "I love you" in her head, forever. But, perhaps, it will be long before her humanity snuffs her out. Long before she even reaches 50. With an imperfect memory, sifting out the touches, and the kisses, the "I love you"s. She will sacrifice herself for her. For her family. For the mess she created.

_I'm sorry I couldn't save you sooner. I'm sorry Graham. Ryan. I'm sorry my family.I'm sorry, Yasmin Khan. But this is how I can save you now._

* * *

28\. “I was in space jail,” the Doctor announces, stepping out of the TARDIS. She struts straight for Yaz, who meets her halfway, still magnetized to each other. Takes her hand.

“My Yasmin Khan,” she murmurs, “I thought about you every day while I was in there. And believe you me, it was a lot of days.”

Yaz’s face crumples and she shoves her away. “I was _worried_ for ya,” she explodes.

“But… what’s it been? Only a week for you lot?” Silence. “Oh no. _Two_ weeks?”

“Ten months,” Ryan tells her.

“Oh. _Oh_.” She reaches for Yaz again, who steps back, reaching for the pendant between her collar bones, as she had every day for ten months when her heart ached so much she’d rather never known the Doctor. “Yaz… Fam… I’m so sorry.”

“It’s done now,” Ryan sighs, “Nothing to be done now.”

Her hearts lurch. Jack breaks the ice.

“So, what’s new on planet Earth?”

“Daleks,” Yaz, Graham, and Ryan answer at once.

“ _What_?” the Doctor balks. “We’ve got to move. Tell me everything you know on the way.” She holds out her hand, and tries not to fall apart when Yaz doesn’t take it.

* * *

29\. "I did miss you, Yaz. Every day.” the Doctor murmurs when they're alone, pulling her close, pressing a kiss under her ear.

"You didn't come back," Yaz returns, stiff in her arms, "I thought you were dead. Or left us. Left _me_."

"I'd never leave you. Not with my two hearts still beating."

"One day you will." Yaz pulls away, crosses to the steps and sits. The Doctor follows her.

"Yaz, what's really going on?"

"You were gone for so long and... I couldn't sleep. All I could think about was how to find you. And... that I wished I'd never met you. To have all this. With you. And then to not have it. To not know whether or not you were gone for good... it hurt too much. And I was talking to Jack-"

"That's never a good idea, love."

"No, what he said was true. One day you'll leave me. Or... this you will leave me. And you can't promise me this won't happen."

"No." She takes Yaz's hand. "I can't. But doesn't that make our time together that much more precious?" Her free hand reaches up, wipes tears from Yaz's cheeks. "You know what I can promise, Yasmin Khan?"

Yaz sniffs. "What?"

"I can promise you right now. And that I will spend every "right now" with you by my side. It's just you and me now, my love. And there's so much left to see."

Yaz pulls her into a hug, buried her face in her hair and inhales deep. "I love you."

"And I, you." They stay in the embrace for many "right now"s, until Yaz's stomach grumbles, and they break apart, both crying and laughing.

"Well then, Yaz," the Doctor says, getting to her feet and holding out her hand, "Are you ready?"

Yaz stares up at her, and she can see entire universes in those brown eyes. Her hearts skip two beats. Yaz takes her hand, rises.

" _Ready_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry not sorry? hope you enjoyed it!


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